By: Dr. Anugra Martyanto
I very often get questions from the mother, regarding the development of their children, they usually complain about is, dock ... why is my child so often fought, dock ... why my unruly children and many more questions posed to me.
At this opportunity I will try to peel it matters relating to the education of our children at home, which in general we own that makes the development of our children into a child's behavior and character far different from what we expect as parents.
There are many things that often parents do or habits that often do not realize, but very influential in the mental growth of children.
I would classify habits in several categories:
1. We always get the Son of Being figure who never wrong!
Can I demonstrated a habit of parents, when our son was walking he suddenly hit the table and consequently fell and cried, then we as parents often do something which aims to immediately stop the crying child, with the beat and scold the child was hit by a table , saying, "Who's a naughty boy?, this table yes, this mother has been at his desk, cup ... cup ... still yes", and usually the child will soon be shut from crying.
Analysis: The parents are accustom the child to figure that never wrong, and this will create the recorded thoughts in mind and continue to carry the child until he is mature, the result if every event he has something wrong and something happens, then a false or wrong is someone else or another party and he is always right.
Sometimes we as parents will realize that, when the child starts against us, because from childhood we have unwittingly taught her to never feel guilty.
What should we do when the child is just learning to walk and hit something that made her cry?
We should do is teach the child to take responsibility for what happens, say to him (which he said, rubbing the sore), "Honey, you hit the table, yes, sick huh? careful next time yes dear, the way it slowly first, so do not hit the table again. "
2. We often do little lies
In the beginning, our children are always listening to what what was said by his parents. Why?, Because they fully believe in their parents.
However, when our children are growing up, he started to not obey the word of his parents or his parents request. What happened?, Do our children have no longer trust the word or words our words?
Without realizing it, we as parents often do the lies little lies every day. One example, when a father wanted to go to the office and he is crying to come, then the father said, "Honey, my father just go ahead, yes, sebentaaaar yes, dear ..., brother of the same old mother at home." But the fact that the father return until night.
Analysis: From the example above, if we lie lightly or often called 'little lies', but its impact was very big on the mental growth of the child, the child will no longer trust us as parents, the child can not distinguish a statement we can credible or not, because he continued the child assume all uttered by the parents is a lie, and since then the child will determine that the statement that parents are always lying, and the child began to not keep all our words.
What should we do?
Will say honestly to the child, expressed with great affection and give an understanding: "Honey, my father would go to the office was yes, the younger can not participate, but if the father went to the park, the younger may participate."
We do not need to feel worried and becoming a hurry with this situation, certainly will require more time to give understanding to the child, because usually the child will cry. The child was crying because she did not understand the situation why the father should always go in the morning. We must have patience and make sense to the child continuously, slowly the child will understand why his father always went in the morning. Conversely, if the father went to a place other than the office, then the child must be brought, by doing this honesty in all our words, then the child will be able to understand what we say and will comply with what we say.
3. We always often threaten
No we know we often do a small threat threat to the child, for example, "Sister do not be naughty ... yes, that naughty younger sister mebawa mother will not go sightseeing, younger brother at home alone with my aunt!".
Analysis: A child is being very clever in studying patterns of care of his parents, he not only knows the pattern of parents to educate, but to analyze and may deflect or control the pattern of care of their parents, This happens when we often use the threat of a threat with words, but after that no follow-up or maybe we had forgotten about the threat we ever say.
What should we do?
The threat does not solve the problems our children are naughty, we'd better give advice readily accepted by their thoughts, like example, "Brother, do not be naughty yes dear, if mischievous younger brother is not so cute anymore, and later younger brother so do not have any friends, do not want younger sister if play does not have any friends, do not play nice when sister alone ".
4. Mom and Dad do not compact
Educate not only the duty of a mother, or father, but both of them. Children will never get better, when parents are not compact and do not have a deal in educating their children.
Children are generally not able to understand the values of right and wrong, they will quickly capture a sense of pleasant and unpleasant taste for himself.
For example, if the child is sent to bed because it was time to sleep that night by his mother, but suddenly his father's defense, here we are watching television at my son's father, besokkan day week, so brother can watch television until satisfied. If this happens the child will choose something more fun thing itself, namely watching television with his dad, what's the impact?, The child will judge that her father's evil and good rate, and caused fatal, every mother giving orders, he will start fight with refuge behind his father's defense. Slowly but surely the child will continue to fight on his mother. And vice versa.
What should we do?
We as parents should always compact, do not ever dualism in educating children or doing a double standard. Before the child we never disagree for the things that are directly related to child rearing patterns, Remember when one of us is to educate children, then your spouse must always support them. If there are different views on educating children, discuss this in private with our partners.
Should we do is, when we send the child couples sleep because the time is night, then we go support him by saying, "yeah ... now to bed ya brother, it was late at night, so tomorrow awakening not oversleep, and watch tivinya can proceed tomorrow ".
5. Frighten the child
Habit of many parents, when the child is crying and trying to calm him down is to frighten, As an example, "Eh if sister crying continues, later injected with the same doctor you know!". Or another example: "Beware any police officer, if the sister was crying a lot later arrested by the police officer!".
Analysis: Habits scare is almost similar to the habit of threatening, indeed the child will tend to stop crying and obey our wishes, but with the statement scare and threats like that, we actually do not instill a sense of love or hate the party that we mentioned, also we actually have humbled ourselves, that we do not have the power to forbid anything. As a result, our children will not like or fear the figure of the doctor or police officer figure, which actually is very wrong action at all, because we will have frequent contact with the doctor when your child sick, as a result, when our children a real pain, and time will take him to the doctor , then the child will immediately reject it in various ways.
What should we do?
Said honest and give sense to the child, as we give meaning to the oarng adults, because real children are also capable of thinking adults. Should we do is, do not cry keep ya brother, if younger sister crying sound will be lost, because of sore throat sister, if younger throat pain, sister can not eat food favorite sister. "
6. Always give gifts to poor behavior
Often times we as parents are not consistent with our children, when this happens, we unwittingly teach our children to fight us. As an example, when we took the road in a shopping street, suddenly the child wants a toy he saw in the shop we've been through, then we forbade him, by saying, "Brother, do not you brother have a toy that, why should you buy it again?" .
But the child did not want to understand, all he wants is his wish granted by her parents, then he began to formulate strategies with a variety of ways to get his wish, as a way to whine continues to cry, if not obeyed then it is crying in a voice more hard again, as a result we parents become defensive, rather than embarrassed by the people around, then we say, "Yes yes ... buy it, but only one, yes, the others should not be!".
Analysis: This is what is meant by giving a gift to the bad behavior of our children, the consequences if we let it continue to happen, it will become a weapon for the child, every time we took her to the shopping streets.
What should we do?
Should we continue to apply consistently to our children, need not be ashamed or afraid to say as a parent who 'tegaan' or 'stingy', remember always, that we're educating kids, so we are consistent, then the child will never try it again.
Should we say, "My younger brother ... it already had plenty of toys at home, our money better tube alone, could have to buy another brother purposes, not for a while longer we Eid, what sister did not want to buy new clothes, such as widths friends brother? "
Well this is some of the habits of the parents who sometimes do not realize, could adversely affect the mental development of our children.
Actually there are many reviews of other reviews relating to the habits of parents in educating our children, but I will continue at the next opportunity in my writing this series, children's education series in the article.
Hopefully what I pour it in this paper can be retrieved its benefits, I really hope the development of mental / physical mental and our children will be very good, and eventually the next generation that will replace us, will be a tough generation, so that this nation will be more strong and increasingly large and advanced.
